My friend wants to adopt my baby
It always give birth parents peace of mind to envision that a family member or a friend is going to adopt their baby. The thought of someone that they are familiar with raising their child gives them peace of mind that their child will be loved and that their needs will be met.
Unfortunately , such arrangements rarely work out the way that they are intended. Families that adopt need to work through the process emotionally before they are ready to adopt a child and to embrace him/her into their family unit.
Certainly the thought of adoption has crossed the minds of most people at some point during their family development years, but of course most people are able to have biological children and so don’t ever get to the point of taking the steps to adopt.
For those that cannot have biological children , but have considered adoption need to go through a grieving process of letting go of the dream of giving birth to a child before they are really able to begin the process.
Everyone loves babies. Well, at least most people do. So it is understandable that when an opportunity arises for someone and they are notified that a friend or a family member is pregnant and is not able to care for their child, and is seeking parents for her unborn child, that many people would impulsively jump up and volunteer.
What sounds great initially slowly transforms during the process.The friend or family member learns that they need to pay for an attorney to legalize the adoption, and undergo the intrusive process of getting a home study done. In addition , the birth mother usually feels ill at ease requesting the financial assistance which she is entitled to , and will usually forego the help that she would have received otherwise.
As the date of the birth nears, we see time and again that the person that the birth mother found to adopt her child has cold feet , and has left the mother high and dry , wasting precious time that she should have spent bonding with the family that does end up adopting her baby.
They realized , later rather than sooner, that they are not ready to adopt. So please . rethink that thought . These plans are very rarely successful.
Finding adopting parents online
Forever After Adoptions suggests that you do NOT try to locate an adoptive family online. There are many sites that post “profiles” of families that are seeking to adopt online. These profiles usually consist of an album of photos and a introduction of he family that is seeking to adopt, usually written by themselves. You may even have come across such profiles when you were doing a search and found our website.
The downfall of attempting to seek out an acceptable family through this means is that these families may not even be qualified to adopt ! In order to adopt legally , the family must have a current and approved home study, which consists of a thorough background check. There is no way that you can possibly know this by looking at their profile. By contacting a state licensed adoption agency or a qualified adoption attorney , you can be assured that the family that yo choose is qualified to adopt your child.
The internet has made it possible to relay information expediently and efficiently, and as a result there has been an influx of services that have popped up that solely promote parent profiles so that potential birth mothers can search for a family without the assistance of a licensed agency or attorney. These “marketing ” services , unfortunately, are unregulated and are under no legal obligation to ascertain that these families are who they purport to be. The families that are posted may not have a completed home study, which is necessary in order to adopt. You may also feel very awkward calling these families directly without having an adoption professional to support you. Please be very wary about such sites. If you wouldn’t search for an adoptive family on Craigslist or another such site, then you would probably want to avoid such Parent Profile sites.
There are , of course, legitimate sites that are owned and operated by state licensed agencies and attorneys. These sites feature Parent Profiles of families that have employed them, and have been professionally assessed prior to their profile being posted.
The problem , though, with wasting your time pouring through these profiles in search of the family that you believe will be perfect for your child , is that the family that you finally choose may not , in fact, be the right “match ” for you at all. They may not have the finances to be able to afford the situation, or they may not want annual visits, unlike you. That is why we do not post Parent Profiles on our site. We want to make sure that the families that are presented to you are fully qualified for YOU. We don’t want you to go through the disappointment of thinking that you have found the right family , and then realizing that they are not.
Remember, when you work with Forever After Adoptions, you are assured that you will be working only with a licensed professional.
What should I look for in an adoptive family ?
Choosing the right family to adopt your baby is critical. It is important that you choose a family that is seeking the same openness and post adoption contact with your child that you envision . You may prefer a certain religion. There are many things to consider when choosing a family, the following are just a few :
- Location.If there are to be agreed upon visits with you and your child, is the family within close proximity to accommodate such visits ? If not, how will travel arrangements be made ? Do they plan to relocate after the adoption ? Of course, things may come up later such as a job transfer, but if the plan is to have visits and they live within a short distance, it would benefit you in making your choice of a family if you knew in advance that they were , indeed, planning to relocate in the near future.
- Culture. There are many families that are adopting children outside of their own racial and cultural identities. Will they introduce your child to his/her own culture ? Do they live in a culturally diverse neighborhood where your child will feel a sense of belonging and have culturally similar peers ?
- Finances. Is this family able to offer your child the things that you feel that you are unable to offer him/her ? Most women that consider adoption for their child are doing it , in part, for economic reasons. In addition, you may have additional expenses due to the pregnancy that is customary for the adoptive family to pay. There will also , of course , be legal fees and other costs associated with the adoption itself.
- Reasons for adopting. There are many families that are physically unable to have children. Adoption is the only way that they will ever be able to have a child to raise . There are also families that have their own biological children, but just want a larger family and are under the (mistaken ) impression that there are newborns that need adoptive homes. Most women prefer that their child go to someone that cannot have their own biological children, but of course this is something that you will need to ask before choosing a family.
What are “parent profiles “?
Parent profiles are used by attorneys and adoption professionals to show birth parents a glimpse of who the potential adoptive family is. The are usually made by the family that is seeking to adopt, and consists of photos of the family , their other children, their home and sometimes extended family. It usually includes a short biographical background that explains why they want to adopt, their education, and their interests.
Once you begin working with an adoption professional, you will normally be presented with numerous parent profiles to look through in search of the perfect family.